I would excell at this job.
One of the perks about graduating and having a real job is that I have more free time. Unfortunately, because I don’t really like having free time, this is also a downside. Nevertheless, with Andrew being here, I’ve started to use that time to cook. Andrew is an excellent cook; I am a train wreck. If I could eat cereal and Greek yogurt every day without his making a disgusted face at me, I would. I don’t have the patience for cooking entire meals, and I hate getting the kitchen messy. Still, I know that making even one meal every other day is good for me because it teaches me take care of myself and all that jazz, so I do it.
Andrew and I usually cook a bigger meal on Sunday night—something we can eat and still have leftovers for Monday because I get home from work at 10 on Monday nights. Tonight, we made stuffed shells with homemade red sauce. My knife skills are deplorable, but I sucked it up and cut the onion—that task makes Andrew weep like a little girl. AND I got to stir the spinach and ricotta together, which means I got to sneak bites. And that brings me to the topic of tonight’s blog post: DELICIOUS CHEESES.
Cheese. Damn, it’s so yummy. Like Liz Lemon, I work on that shit at night. I tried to give it up in the interest of not being enormous, but instead I just vowed to eat less bread. However, it’s expensive here in New York—which just makes me want it more. When I go to the grocery store, I seek out the clearanced cheese products, and usually, I can get some $3 muenster.
The cheese section of the grocery store also makes me a little homesick because there’s no Provel. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Provel is this incredible, weird cheese that people from St. Louis love and everyone else hates. If someone tells you it’s disgusting, you tell that person to fuck him- or herself. Provel is Cheddar, Swiss, and provolone melded together into one big, tasty, processed heart attack. How can that be bad? Those haters are liars. Take some Provel and spread it on a cracker that has been sauced. Wham-o! St. Louis pizza. Love it. Open the Woytus family refrigerator, and you’ll find a handful of the stuff in rope-form. It’s great on salads. Or just eat it straight from the container. Whatever.
So, yeah, we’re living in a Provel-free land, and it’s upsetting. Yet there are still many different types of cheeses to enjoy. Here’s a list of my top 5. Provel excluded.
5. It’s a tie between feta, Provolone, and plain ol’ goat cheese. Goats are super creepy, but thankfully, they make delicious cheeses, so they’re on my good-animal list.
4. Gruyère. It’s the best with which to make grilled cheese, which I cannot eat too frequently because of my promise to not eat so much damn bread.
3. Mozzarella. This is a no-brainer. Sometimes I try to pronounce it like the “housewives” on Real Housewives of New Jersey do, which is actually probably not how you pronounce it at all.
2. Muenster. Muenster is tricky because it tastes awesome with some foods and like ass with others. I love it for its complexities. It’s like that kid you raise, and he or she is a monster, but you somehow still love him or her, mostly because you can’t figure out what the hell he or she is going to do next.
1. ALL CHEESES. DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE. DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING, DID YOU?
